Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Dear Apple.

Dear Apple, 

First of, let me assure you, I am still completely smitten. That has not changed. And, in fact, smitten is probably the understatement of the century. 

Let's just be honest: I am in love and horribly co-dependent.

I've handed my heart, my life, and every single detail of it over to you for care and keeping. You manage control every diminutive aspect of my life. You wake me up in the morning. You tell me where to go, when to be there and who I am going to see. You beep at me, tweet at me and ensure that I am never more than 30 seconds away from my next Facebook post. 

This all started so innocently about nine years ago when I left the practice of law {a hideous, PC infested field} and purchased my first iMac for the home. It was so cute. And user friendly. I quickly fell for the darling screen bopping above the small, circular base. I said goodbye to refrigerator-sized CPUs and have never looked back. 

Unfortunately, since such day it appears you have indeed permeated every corner and aspect of my life. And I have clearly proven myself loyal to an extreme. 

At last count I noted the following in our house alone {don't even get me going on the hub's office}:
4 iPods
3 iPhones
2 iPads
1 MacBook Air
1 MacBook
1 Mac mini
3 iHomes

Additionally, I recently upgraded the Mac mini to Snow Leopard so all computers have the latest and greatest. I purchased iLife '11 so I have the same version of iMovie, iPhoto and iDVD as the kids. Of course, I will upload all the photos from iPhoto to make an iPhoto book. 

I purchase all my music from iTunes. The kids and I are incessantly looking for new apps in iTunes and in the new App Store. Brilliant - I can now have even more apps on the computer.

The circle is complete.

But truly, don't you think that is enough?!? 

Now, I fear, you've simply crossed the line. I can deal with you controlling my contacts, my music, my calendar, my social media, my memories, my Internet addiction and my communication with the entire world, but truly, do not mess with my weight.

Honestly, you should have known this segment of my life is off limits. I do not own a scale. I do not like to weigh myself and I certainly do not want a WiFi Body Scale to sync my weight wirelessly among all my many devices. I thought WiiFit was bad enough with it's BMI index and telling graphs.

But now this!?!

The WiFi Body Scale takes it a step further and "automatically records all your weight and impedance measurements wirelessly to your iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch thanks to its built-in Wi-Fi connection. You can see a comprehensive view of all your weight data collected by the scale (weight, BMI, fat and lean muscle mass)."

Thanks for that. Just what I've always wanted.

What, will the iHome start screaming in the morning: get up and take a run fat @*#!

Next time I cuddle up with my iPad to leisurely read a book it will sweetly *bing* and remind me that I have had three cookies this morning and have not run in the year 2011.

I can't take it.

Isn't any aspect of my life off limits?!?

It is just too much.

And yet . . .

I'm strangely curious. I wonder if "keeping my very own fitness coach right in my pocket" will truly allow me to "stay motivated by setting goals and monitoring my weight over the long term."

Because if it works . . . well, then not only will you make my life easier, more organized and so much more visually pleasing, but you will make me skinny too!

Oh my!

I think this love affair may indeed last until death do us part. 

Forever yours, 

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