War on the Poor.

Recently I have been completely overwhelmed by what I view as a war on the poor. An entire wing of established politicians proliferate the view that if you are poor somehow you are automatically shiftless and lazy. Propaganda spews forth with images of gangstas collecting welfare and bragging about not having to work. 

Strangely, those I've known who unfortunately fall into the "poor" category look nothing like the images portrayed by the establishment. If people would actually take the time to learn about one of the many individuals they portray as lazy and undeserving, I fear their attitudes might change.  

This piece by Linda Tirado has gone viral which makes my heart swell. I am so glad people are taking a moment to understand another's perspective, and perchance, to understand why the poor are not actually so coddled by unemployment and food stamps that they refuse to get a job.

The war on the poor needs to end. I hope this piece sheds some light on why such hostility is quite clearly misplaced.

This is Why Poor People's Bad Decisions Make Perfect Sense

by Linda Tirado (reposting as per permission granted)

There's no way to structure this coherently. They are random observations that might help explain the mental processes. But often, I think that we look at the academic problems of poverty and have no idea of the why. We know the what and the how, and we can see systemic problems, but it's rare to have a poor person actually explain it on their own behalf. So this is me doing that, sort of.

Rest is a luxury for the rich. I get up at 6AM, go to school (I have a full course load, but I only have to go to two in-person classes) then work, then I get the kids, then I pick up my husband, then I have half an hour to change and go to Job 2. I get home from that at around 12:30AM, then I have the rest of my classes and work to tend to. I'm in bed by 3. This isn't every day, I have two days off a week from each of my obligations. I use that time to clean the house and soothe Mr. Martini and see the kids for longer than an hour and catch up on schoolwork. Those nights I'm in bed by midnight, but if I go to bed too early I won't be able to stay up the other nights because I'll fuck my pattern up, and I drive an hour home from Job 2 so I can't afford to be sleepy. I never get a day off from work unless I am fairly sick. It doesn't leave you much room to think about what you are doing, only to attend to the next thing and the next. Planning isn't in the mix.

When I got pregnant the first time, I was living in a weekly motel. I had a minifridge with no freezer and a microwave. I was on WIC. I ate peanut butter from the jar and frozen burritos because they were 12/$2. Had I had a stove, I couldn't have made beef burritos that cheaply. And I needed the meat, I was pregnant. I might not have had any prenatal care, but I am intelligent enough to eat protein and iron whilst knocked up.

I know how to cook. I had to take Home Ec to graduate high school. Most people on my level didn't. Broccoli is intimidating. You have to have a working stove, and pots, and spices, and you'll have to do the dishes no matter how tired you are or they'll attract bugs. It is a huge new skill for a lot of people. That's not great, but it's true. And if you fuck it up, you could make your family sick. We have learned not to try too hard to be middle-class. It never works out well and always makes you feel worse for having tried and failed yet again. Better not to try. It makes more sense to get food that you know will be palatable and cheap and that keeps well. Junk food is a pleasure that we are allowed to have; why would we give that up? We have very few of them.

The closest Planned Parenthood to me is three hours. That's a lot of money in gas. Lots of women can't afford that, and even if you live near one you probably don't want to be seen coming in and out in a lot of areas. We're aware that we are not "having kids," we're "breeding." We have kids for much the same reasons that I imagine rich people do. Urge to propagate and all. Nobody likes poor people procreating, but they judge abortion even harder.

Convenience food is just that. And we are not allowed many conveniences. Especially since the Patriot Act passed, it's hard to get a bank account. But without one, you spend a lot of time figuring out where to cash a check and get money orders to pay bills. Most motels now have a no-credit-card-no-room policy. I wandered around SF for five hours in the rain once with nearly a thousand dollars on me and could not rent a room even if I gave them a $500 cash deposit and surrendered my cell phone to the desk to hold as surety.

Nobody gives enough thought to depression. You have to understand that we know that we will never not feel tired. We will never feel hopeful. We will never get a vacation. Ever. We know that the very act of being poor guarantees that we will never not be poor. It doesn't give us much reason to improve ourselves. We don't apply for jobs because we know we can't afford to look nice enough to hold them. I would make a super legal secretary, but I've been turned down more than once because I "don't fit the image of the firm," which is a nice way of saying "gtfo, pov." I am good enough to cook the food, hidden away in the kitchen, but my boss won't make me a server because I don't "fit the corporate image." I am not beautiful. I have missing teeth and skin that looks like it will when you live on B12 and coffee and nicotine and no sleep. Beauty is a thing you get when you can afford it, and that's how you get the job that you need in order to be beautiful. There isn't much point trying.

Cooking attracts roaches. Nobody realizes that. I've spent a lot of hours impaling roach bodies and leaving them out on toothpick pikes to discourage others from entering. It doesn't work, but is amusing.

"Free" only exists for rich people. It's great that there's a bowl of condoms at my school, but most poor people will never set foot on a college campus. We don't belong there. There's a clinic? Great! There's still a copay. We're not going. Besides, all they'll tell you at the clinic is that you need to see a specialist, which seriously? Might as well be located on Mars for how accessible it is. "Low-cost" and "sliding scale" sounds like "money you have to spend" to me, and they can't actually help you anyway.

I smoke. It's expensive. It's also the best option. You see, I am always, always exhausted. It's a stimulant. When I am too tired to walk one more step, I can smoke and go for another hour. When I am enraged and beaten down and incapable of accomplishing one more thing, I can smoke and I feel a little better, just for a minute. It is the only relaxation I am allowed. It is not a good decision, but it is the only one that I have access to. It is the only thing I have found that keeps me from collapsing or exploding.

I make a lot of poor financial decisions. None of them matter, in the long term. I will never not be poor, so what does it matter if I don't pay a thing and a half this week instead of just one thing? It's not like the sacrifice will result in improved circumstances; the thing holding me back isn't that I blow five bucks at Wendy's. It's that now that I have proven that I am a Poor Person that is all that I am or ever will be. It is not worth it to me to live a bleak life devoid of small pleasures so that one day I can make a single large purchase. I will never have large pleasures to hold on to. There's a certain pull to live what bits of life you can while there's money in your pocket, because no matter how responsible you are you will be broke in three days anyway. When you never have enough money it ceases to have meaning. I imagine having a lot of it is the same thing.

Poverty is bleak and cuts off your long-term brain. It's why you see people with four different babydaddies instead of one. You grab a bit of connection wherever you can to survive. You have no idea how strong the pull to feel worthwhile is. It's more basic than food. You go to these people who make you feel lovely for an hour that one time, and that's all you get. You're probably not compatible with them for anything long-term, but right this minute they can make you feel powerful and valuable. It does not matter what will happen in a month. Whatever happens in a month is probably going to be just about as indifferent as whatever happened today or last week. None of it matters. We don't plan long-term because if we do we'll just get our hearts broken. It's best not to hope. You just take what you can get as you spot it.

I am not asking for sympathy. I am just trying to explain, on a human level, how it is that people make what look from the outside like awful decisions. This is what our lives are like, and here are our defense mechanisms, and here is why we think differently. It's certainly self-defeating, but it's safer. That's all. I hope it helps make sense of it.

Dinner this week.

Wham, bam, thank you ma'am. It's going to be that sort of week. So what business do I have planning homemade, comfort-food type meals? 

Absolutely none.   

But I never let silly realities like my schedule dictate my appetite. This is what I need this week. Amidst the craziness, I need good, warm meals. I need to slow down and allow time for the beef to braise.

Some people meditate. 

I cook. 

And so despite my time constraints, I am determined to make this work.  I have the grocery list to prove it and need to finalize this post so I can dash to the store and get started. 

Literally. Right. Now.

1.  Chicken Pot Pie - Talk about comfort food!  I plan to make these as individual pies with the biscuit topping. I'll likely modify the recipe a bit but this recipe is my inspiration. 

2.  Beef Stew - I have my own beef stew recipe I adore. Mine, however, is filled with vegetables, and if there is anything my duo dislikes, it's anything filled with vegetables. And so I'm going to try this version with only beef, carrots, and potatoes. What's not to like?!

3. Spaghetti and Meatballs - This is a staple at our house {I make batches of meatballs, freeze them, and pull them out as needed}, but I'm trying a new recipe. I've tried many, many meatball recipes over the years. I am never displeased, but am still searching for . . . the one.

4. Chicken Noodle Soup - This may well be my family's favorite meal. Mine too. This will be it's highly-anticipated debut this season.

If it's chilly here this week I assume the rest of the country is absolutely freezing. Let me know your family's favorite cold-weather comfort food? 

New Parents Have it Easy.

Yes, you read the title correctly:  I think new parents have it easy.

Really, when you think back, babies are not all that hard.

I realize this could incite new mothers the world over. But truly, if they have time to read blogs, they are only proving my point!

1. Babies cannot talk.

They also cannot roll their eyes or slam doors or throw tantrums. While their incessant crying tends to annoy, silence is found by simply placing a boob {or bottle} in the crying baby's mouth. Really, is that so hard!?   

2. Babies do not have back-to-back activities every day from 3 pm -7 pm.

Babies do not require intricate carpooling routines. New parents do not have to remember how the M-W schedule differs from the T-TH schedule, and oh! don't forget the birthday party on Saturday! No, a baby's schedule is the same every afternoon -- sleep. For hours! Heaven. I spend most afternoons in the car helping with homework and whipping up a nutritious dinner simultaneously. 

3.  Baby laundry is little and cute. 

Truly, one load of laundry and their entire little wardrobe is fresh and clean. The laundry of active tweens requires a full-time laundress {oh yeah, that's me}. And you'll never find me cooing "so cute" as I turn every single stinky sock right side in while sorting.  Never. 

4. Babies are not picky eaters. 

Babies, whether they take a bottle or breast, eat regularly and what they are served. Tweens are picky eaters. Or not hungry. Or only hungry for cereal. Babies lay sweetly in your arms and smile while you feed them. So peaceful and serene. Our dinner times are neither peaceful nor serene, but instead, have become a war zone with nightly battles over veggie intake, not talking while chewing, and keeping elbows off the table {and no, I am not the manners Nazi in the family}. 

5. Babies wear anything. 

There are no arguments over what to wear to church or for the family photo. There are no "dramatic sighs" when an outfit is suggested. Yes, babies may soil their clothing from time to time, but that simply provides further opportunities to display yet another darling ensemble! I still purchase the darling ensembles but consider it a win if my duo dons anything other than sport shorts and t-shirts. 

6. Babies can watch R rated movies. 

I do not suggest you bring an infant into an actual movie theatre. That is annoying and plainly inconsiderate to the other viewers. But, in the privacy of your own home, babies can simply sleep in your arms or play on the floor while you watch any number of inappropriate films. You need not be concerned with the gratuitous violence or sex. Babies will simply kick about in their bouncers while you stay up to date with the latest cinema and television series. If my duo walked into the room during Game of Thrones there would undoubtedly be questions and quite possibly counseling required.

7. Babies do not ask why the door is closed. 

So maybe you do not feel like spending private time with your husband for the first couple, few, six months, but in theory you could. There is generally some portion of each day when the baby is asleep and you are awake. I realize we all have priorities and yours may well be a shower. No judgment here. But suffice to say, if you are so inclined, the baby will not walk down the hall, open the door, and ask an uncomfortable series of questions. Not to mention, you have years before junior comes tumbling into your bed each morning. 

8. Babies sleep. 

Yes, it takes some adjusting to adapt to a two-hour sleep cycle. I remember those days. But no one expects you to do anything during that time other than produce milk {or not, your choice}. If you showered and made the bed in one day your husband cheers, "You are doing great!" This is truly an amazing time. Relish in your ability to lay about all day long, neglect the house, any timely grooming rituals, and allow others to feed you for weeks on end.

Seriously, what's not to love!?  

Dinner this Week.

It is a short dinner-at-home week for us with Grandma Julie's birthday celebration dinner and Halloween. No, I do not plan to allow my kids to eat only candy for Halloween dinner, but I have yet to plan our annual fête. I realize that is this week, and thus, given my very organized method of planning all week should be included herein. Sadly, though, I cannot yet wrap my head around the utter madness that is Halloween at our house. I have at least three full days of procrastination left and plan to utilize them fully.

But here's what's on tap for the rest of the week: 

photos via Pinterest

Parmesan Crusted Chicken - This is a new chicken preparation method for me, but I do something similar with Tilapia from time to time so I think the kids will enjoy it. And besides, it looks super easy.

Lasagna Baked Ziti - I have made this numerous times and everyone {save Little Miss Thang who hates all red sauce} loves it. Pleasing everyone in my family is a feat I rarely accomplish. Little Miss Thang will eat all the components of this recipe sans red sauce. And I adore that little girl just enough to deconstruct as needed. 

Cider-Braised Pork Chops - This will also be a new recipe for me but it looks both delectably fall-ish and weeknight dinner simple-ish. Win-win. 

So what do you have in store for your family this week? 

Dinner this week.

Last week was quite a successful dinner week for me. I shopped once and cooked every meal I planned. This is noteworthy, folks, as I generally shop a few times a week and still do not manage to properly plan meals. My organized friends are chuckling because they have always utilized this fancy little trick. The rest of you, who like me do not fall neatly into the "organized" column, revel in these little successes.  

Fingers-crossed that I'm turning over a new leaf for good! 

This is a short week for our family as we prepare to travel for a gymnastics meet/meet the in-laws this weekend. I will nourish us as well as possible before we spend the weekend eating {and drinking} poolside.  Yes, for those of you not in Texas, it is still possible to eat poolside. We do not consider this a plus, but take advantage nonetheless.

Until then, we will enjoy this mild cold front and a few warm meals. 

Last night I made the Classic Ragu Bolognese {bottom} and let me tell you:  It was absolutely amazing. Maybe not everyone gets quite as excited about a bolognese, but I love nothing more than a dish that requires hours of simmering {I swear my house still smells amazing} so the flavor meld and intensify. I also recognize that not everyone is home from 4pm-7pm to allow this magic to occur. If that is the case, make a double batch on a Sunday afternoon and freeze half. You will be so happy you did. 

Tonight I am trying Nigel Slater's Coq au Riesling {right}. It too looks amazing {cream + wine + pancetta + my shoe = yum!} but can be whipped together easily between homework, gymnastics, and tennis, making it a great weeknight meal contender. 

My final meal of the week is one of my kids' favorites: Pasta with Sausage. This is a weeknight standby in our house because (1) the kids love it, and (2) I can easily stock the ingredients. Yes, you will see it again soon. I have to balance all the new dishes with our tried and true. 

So, what's on the menu for your family this week?  Do you cook new meals regularly or stick to the tried and true? Share a link to your favorite recipe so I can try it next week!