Happy Valentine's Day.

via Paperless Post

Peace at last.

I was lucky enough to see Whitney Houston perform in concert during the summer of 1992 in a small-ish concert hall in Austin, Texas. The gospel music sequence was my favorite - she brought so much life, soul, and vocal range to the music.

This song, though, never fails to bring tears to my eyes. 

And this is how I'll remember Whitney. 

Book Review - Snow Flower and the Secret Fan.

Last night my book club discussed Lisa See's book Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. It is an old book which I am sure many of your enjoyed years ago. I did not reread it for this book club so my memory was slightly challenged as we discussed the details of the book. However, the haunting overtones and stifling emotional components were still quite memorable to me even 5 years later.

Lily grows up in 19th Century China, the second daughter of a farmer. Her future changes when a matchmaker looks at the six-year-old girl's feet and informs Lily's mother that, if bound properly, these feet can make Lily the most beautiful of women. For that is how a woman's beauty is reckoned, in Lily's culture. The fact that girls often die during the agonizing process's multi-year course makes no difference, because the mother who does not bind her daughter's feet guarantees the child an impossible future.

Snow Flower is born on the same day as Lily into a family of much higher status. The matchmaker makes for them a different kind of pairing - that of laotang, or "old sames." A match between two girls that will last throughout their lives, and draw them closer emotionally to each other than to anyone else. The two communicate through nu shu, women's writing, which is different from men's writing and is supposed to be kept secret from men. They send their messages back and forth on a fan, for women spend their lives in upstairs chambers.

Lily and Snow Flower grow from the seven-year-olds who sign a laotong contract into betrothed young women - into wives - into the mothers of families. Their lives become exceedingly different, and one day a misunderstanding so powerful comes between them that Lily believes their bond is broken forever. But love turns out to be stronger than Lily understands . . . and that, really, is this book's theme -- the nature and the strength of love.

Although Lisa See does a beautiful job of depicting the time and place her characters inhabit {which is far, far away from the time and place we inhabit}, this story of women and their friendships has universal echoes.

Our discussion last night centered on those themes: the immeasurable bond of certain friendships, the position of women in society {even today}, the inherent strength of women even in the worst conditions, the ability to bear the unthinkable, and the fact that while cultures may vary old sames and same-olds really don't change.

As a fitting touch to the evening, our sweet hosts had a fan for each of us. As we discussed the book we passed our fans around the room and wrote a short note on each. It was a lovely gesture. We all left with our own secret fan inscribed with encouraging words and lovely sentiments from friends.

Reading my fan when I returned home I was brought to tears. Women really are amazing. Yes,we are at times frustrated by the inequalities and injustices that still exist in our world. But one of these inequalities or stereotypical sexual differences also provides, in my opinion, one of our most mirific traits: the amazing beauty of and inherent ability of women to love and encourage each other. 

Thank goodness that trait endures the test of time.  

This game called Life.

My duo loves a good video game. 

Actually, I think they love all video games {they really are not that picky}. 

We do, of course, monitor their exposure and limit their screen time. But we also believe that technology is a language in and of itself and one in which we hope they develop fluency. {side note: I add this out of mommy guilt  / fear of mommy judgment - it in no way adds to or explains the story.}

Anyway.

The games which currently pique their interest are becoming more and more complicated. There are multiple levels which become increasingly challenging. 

My duo playing side by side. 

Little Miss Thang, who normally dominates their twin existence, often asks her brother for assistance getting  past particular obstacles or challenges. She becomes quite frustrated when she does not swiftly succeed or progress. 

It pains her, I'm sure, but he is always happy to oblige - thankful for the opportunity to shine. 

I love watching these interactions. 

And truly, it is a good thing for the balance of power to occasionally shift. 

A very good thing. 

Last week we were waiting for gymnastics to start. She was playing on my phone. But suddenly stopped. Looked at me with an eerie intensity and asked: 

"Is life a game and each year a new level?" 

Neither of us spoke for what seemed like an eternity as the immensity of that concept permeated our thinking. 

Immediately a plethora of thoughts began swirling about in my head -- yes it does some days feel like that -- getting through the day, each stage, each year. It does feel like the bar in life is constantly raised. Just when you get comfortable with one challenge you are presented with another. And then another. Some levels or stages present more challenging obstacles than others. Some are easy to surpass and many are quite frustrating. And it does indeed seem that some people have a natural penchant for the game. 

I attempted to rein in my thoughts so I could formulate a suitable response. I realized it was time to dispense some extrospective morsel of wisdom. 

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, she beat me to it when she concluded: 

"Probably not, because no matter what, you cannot lose at life."

Well said my sweet girl. 

Well said. 

A letter to my fellow bloggers.

Dearest Bloggers, 

Once upon a time I said I would never, ever call someone I only know online a friend. I have plenty of "real" friends and have no intention of bonding over a lengthy rant regarding your husband's penchant for football or your child's inability to use the potty. 

Truly. 

This is not how friends are made. 

Friends are made by knowing each other. By talking face to face. By sharing your deepest, darkest secrets and fears. And friends require a fair amount of time and commitment. 

I feel strongly about this!

Exclamation point!

However, as many of you know, I failed at holding up the front. 

I fell prey to your quirky tales and your friendly "atta girls". 

You reached out to me when I wrote a weepy post. You tweeted that you missed me when I didn't post. I prayed about your breast cancer. Your divorce. And about your daughter's adenoidectomy. I worried when your mother was hospitalized. I thought about you when you disappeared for a time. I was worried and then glad when you returned. 

You see, as it turns out, blogging, tweeting, Facebooking {or whatever your medium} is - like it or not - the new face-to-face. We do share stories. Our lives. Our successes and failures. I admit a few tidbits are only shared with my BFF. But you understand.

Of course, not everyone who lands here is a friend. Some do not linger long enough. And it does indeed take an enormous amount of time and commitment. Writing. Sharing. Reading. Commenting. Tweeting. Retweeting. Helping. Advising. 

And yes, friends do indeed come and go from time to time. That is inevitable whether IRL or URL. 

But life has changed. And you are now a part of mine.  

For better or for worse. 

So thank you. 

Thank you for your support. 

Thank you for your encouragement. 

Thank you for being a friend. 

xoxo

P.S. Now that we are friends, can I ask that you stop using Pinterest to promote your blog? You are driving me crazy with your buttons for every post. You already permeate my reader, by Twitter feed, and my Facebook feed. Is it too much to ask that you leave Pinterest for fun, pretty pictures and witty quips and quotes. An occasional DIY is wonderful, but let's draw the line there. Deal?

P.S.S. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. See, this friendship is so lovely. I adore how you never disagree or talk back. Thanks for that too!